How NOT to Talk to a Customer: Avoid Communication Pitfalls

The key to providing outstanding customer service is great communication, and while it’s therefore essential to learn exactly how to talk to a customer (see this in-depth article I wrote about it here), it’s equally valuable to know the common communication pitfalls that exist, so that you can avoid them. After 15 years of experience, where I made my fair share of (cringe-worthy) communication blunders, I can now write the definitive guide on how NOT to talk to a customer.

1. In an Unprofessional Manner

As a customer service agent you are required to remain professional at all times no matter what happens. Failing to do so will have a detrimental effect on the customer experience, your relationship with them, and your ability to meet their needs properly. Talking to a customer in an unprofessional manner means the following:

Using Offensive Or Inappropriate Language

It goes without saying that you should never swear at a customer, but using any profanities in their presence is grossly unprofessional. You must also avoid vulgar comments, discriminatory language, or insensitive remarks as they are completely offensive under the circumstances. Even sarcastic or mocking tones, regardless of the topic, is entirely inappropriate. You need to watch both what you say and how you say it.

Being Excessively Casual

It’s important to be friendly when talking to a customer because building rapport is fundamental to establishing a lasting relationship and effectively addressing the customer’s needs. However, it’s also important that you remain professional and strike the right balance between being friendly and excessively casual or informal. This is especially true in serious situations, which demand a heightened level of sensitivity and professionalism to navigate effectively.

Using Overly Familiar Language

Similarly, it’s also important to avoid using overly familiar language such as pet names or informal terms of address, as well as slang or colloquial expressions, as it may give the customer the impression that you’re not taking them seriously enough. You also need to be careful when using humor and banter because even if the customer finds it funny they may also think it’s inappropriate for the situation.

Showing a Lack of Respect for the Customer

Demonstrating a lack of respect for the customer goes against the core principles of professionalism in customer service, which is why you need to remain courteous and respectful at all times. Remember, your primary purpose is to serve and assist the customer in whatever way they need, not to impose your expectations and preferences on them.

Saying Inappropriate Things About the Company

Saying inappropriate things about the company to the customer is highly unprofessional. That means you shouldn’t express negative comments or criticisms about the company’s products, services, or policies, you shouldn’t divulge any internal issues or conflicts that are ongoing within the company, and you certainly shouldn’t vent any of your own personal frustrations or grievances that you may have with the company.

2. Rudely

A red 'No' symbol over a customer service agent who is shouting and pointing at his customer rudely

You should not speak to a customer rudely. That means refraining from obvious impoliteness like pointing out unusual facial features or commenting on a weird dress sense, but it also extends to avoiding any form of ill-mannered and discourteous behavior. You should always select all your words carefully and steer clear of any language that could be perceived as offensive, dismissive or disrespectful.

The tone in which you speak to the customer is equally important. Even the most benign words can become rude if delivered in an inappropriate tone of voice. That’s why you should avoid sounding curt, impatient or frustrated and instead strive for a tone that’s calm, empathetic, and patient.

In addition, don’t use any negative or blaming language because in the context of customer service it can come across as rude. Since the customer is seeking your help, negative or blaming language can make them feel defensive or undervalued. For instance, it may be perfectly true that the customer should have read the instructions more carefully, but given the situation expressing it in that way would be very rude indeed.

3. Aggressively

You should not talk to a customer in an aggressive manner, even if that’s how they’re talking to you. Aggressive communication can create a hostile environment and negative customer experience for the non confrontational customer, and if the customer is difficult, it will escalate the conflict. That’s why you should refrain from using combative language or adopting an adversarial stance, even when faced with challenging situations.

Be aware of the non-verbal cues you are conveying when talking to a customer as they may unintentionally signal aggression. A closed posture, crossed arms, prolonged or intense eye contact, or displaying impatience can all be perceived by the customer as (somewhat) aggressive, even if what you’re saying at the time is not. Maintain an open and approachable posture to create a more welcoming and comfortable interaction.

Additionally, pay attention to your speaking volume. Obviously you need to talk loudly enough that the customer doesn’t have to strain to hear you, but any further raising of your voice could be perceived as aggressive and intimidating. And it goes without saying that shouting at the customer is clearly aggressive and therefore, unacceptable. Aim for a calm and controlled tone, even when dealing with difficult or irate customers.

4. By Being Too Personal

A woman covering her mouth with a post-it note marked with an 'X' so she doesn't reveal information that's too personal

Do not be overly personal when talking to a customer. This means two things – don’t share too much personal information about yourself and don’t ask the customer questions that are too personal.

Do not share unnecessary personal information or divulge too much about your personal life as that will make the customer feel uncomfortable and awkward. Personal anecdotes (unless they’re to do with the product or service your company is offering), unrelated topics and irrelevant details will detract from the customer’s experience. The focus of the interaction should be about you understanding the customer and how you can best serve their needs, not the other way around.

Respect the customer’s privacy by refraining from prying into their personal matters. Of course, you can ask relevant personal questions that help you understand and assist the customer, but otherwise you should avoid asking intrusive questions about their personal life, as this will make the customer feel intruded upon, that their personal space has been invaded and very uncomfortable.

5. With Impersonal and Robotic Responses

Although as just mentioned, you shouldn’t be overly personal when talking to customers, you also shouldn’t be so impersonal that your communication becomes robotic either. Customers want to talk to a human being (they often complain when they cannot) and they value the personal touch. Obviously you need to balance the two and while that might seem difficult it’s really not. The key is to be authentic and genuine, open and honest – in other words the real you, without oversharing personal details.

So avoid talking to customers in a way that sounds automated or formulaic. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use any scripts. If you’re company has told you what to say, you shouldn’t certainly follow that, but it does mean you should infuse any scripts with authenticity and that you mean everything you say. Customers can readily tell the difference between a rehearsed reply and genuine engagement.

Another type of impersonal response to avoid is generic cookie-cutter statements as they give the customer a sense of being overlooked because it’s the same reply given to every other customer in the system. As much as possible, personalize your approach by tailoring your responses to the specific needs and concerns of each customer. That way they’ll feel genuinely acknowledged and valued on an individual and personal level.

6. By Talking Down to Them

A cartoon picture of a teacher standing in front of a blackboard talking down to her students

It can be very easy to fall into the trap of talking down to a customer. That’s because an integral part of customer service is explaining your product or service and teaching people how it works. This makes you an expert in the subject and someone who genuinely does know better than the customer. However this might make you inadvertently adopt an “I am right” attitude, and talk down to a customer using condescending language, a patronizing tone of voice or in a way that diminishes their understanding.

You can avoid talking down to a customer by realizing two things. The first is that an “I am right” attitude is the wrong way to look at things. Your goal is not to assert that you know better than the customer and suggest that therefore they should do as you say, but to make them as familiar with the products and services that you offer as you are, so they can make their own informed decisions.

The second thing to realize is that while it’s true that you know better than the customer when it comes to the product or service, the customer knows better than you when it comes to the problems they want fixed and the concerns that they have. If you focus on trying to understand the customer’s problems and concerns, and whether your product or service will effectively resolve them, instead of trying to convince the customer that you’re right, it becomes almost impossible for you to talk down to them.

7. By Using Overly Technical Jargon

Similarly, you can also fall into the trap of using overly technical jargon when talking to customer. Once again you’re an expert in your field and so certain technical words and way of speaking will come naturally to you. However, this intricate terminology may not be understood by some of your customers, potentially leaving them feeling alienated and bewildered.

On the other hand, you don’t want to oversimplify your language because your risk the previous pitfall of talking down to customers, a concern that becomes even more pronounced if your customer is as proficient as you are. This means that you need to assess your customer’s understanding of your field of expertise, and adjust your use of technical jargon accordingly.

For customers who are less versed in the technical intricacies, it’s essential to provide explanations that demystify complex terms. Use analogies, real-world examples, and relatable metaphors to bridge the knowledge gap and ensure you have a shared understanding. For customers who possess a similar level of expertise, you should communicate using any normal technical jargon to avoid the trap of oversimplification.

8. By Ignoring Customer Concerns

3 figures showing three ways of ignoring, one is covering their mouth, another their eyes and the last their ears

When talking to a customer it is imperative that you do not ignore any of their concerns – big or small, as this sends the message that you think their opinions and problems are unimportant, and that they as a customer, are not valued. It will also make the customer feel that you don’t understand them and that you’re therefore unable to help them effectively.

Ignoring a customer’s concerns comes from having the wrong approach to customer service. Customer concerns are not unfortunate hindrances that need to be brushed aside with a minimum of effort, or unhelpful obstacles that you have to overcome as quickly and painlessly as possible to get to the goal of making a sale. Customer concerns are actually valuable clues to what the customer needs and how you can effectively assist them, and you should do anything but ignore them.

In fact, not only should you not ignore a customer’s concerns, you should preemptively invite the customer to share any thoughts, questions, or concerns that they may have. This not only demonstrates a genuine commitment to the customer’s satisfaction and helps you identify and resolve concerns before they escalate, but it also ensures that you fully understand the customer’s needs so you can meet them effectively.

9. With a Lack of Empathy

Talking to a customer without genuinely empathizing with them, will lead to a disconnect between you and the customer and eventually to their frustration and dissatisfaction, because the customer will feel as if they’re not being heard or fully understood. It will also hinder your ability to help the customer because without empathizing with them you can’t fully understand them and meet their needs effectively.

Once again, failing to empathize properly with a customer comes from having the wrong approach to customer service. Empathizing is not just a nice thing to do as a courtesy, or a tactic to make the customer feel as if you’re a good person to do business with. It’s a profound way of understanding the customers thoughts, feelings and perspectives so that you can understand them and their needs better. And the better you understand the customer and their needs, the more you’ll be able to help them.

To respond with empathy you have to really listen to what the customer says, acknowledge their emotions and demonstrate that you understand them. Use phrases like, “I understand how frustrating that can be,” or “I appreciate you sharing your experience,” to convey empathy and validate the customer’s feelings.

10. By Rushing Them

When talking to a customer it’s important that you don’t rush them as it sends the message that you care more about meeting your own goals than understanding what they truly want. The customer may also feel that you haven’t paid attention to all the details and that therefore you can’t help them properly, which is probably true as the more you rush the customer, the higher the likelihood of your missing something.

Outstanding customer service is about building a rapport with the customer and then a meaningful connection so that you can create a positive relationship. To do this it’s essential that you invest the time to truly understand the customer’s needs, preferences, and concerns and address them. When you rush through conversations you miss important details and compromise on depth of understanding, all of which are crucial elements in nurturing a genuine connection with a customer.

By taking the time to listen to the customer, understand their needs and address their specific requirements, you not only enhance the customer’s immediate satisfaction but also lay the groundwork for a lasting and positive relationship. Customer service is a continuous investment, and the dividends it pays in terms of customer loyalty, trust, and advocacy make every unrushed conversation worthwhile.

Tamar Portnoy

Tamar Portnoy is a seasoned professional with over 15 years of extensive experience in the field of customer service. She created Customer Service Warrior to help people enhance their skills and navigate the complexities of customer interactions with confidence and finesse.

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